Banned from Target

[XJ Rat]

Husband banned from Target

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from our local Target.

Dear Mrs. ......,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. ......, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he would invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called..

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.


Being banned is OK by me!

[4.3LXJ]

[imehtoh]

This guy is my new hero.

[4x4Dalton]

Oh thats funny as hell right there

[BlueXJ]

I wanna be banned from Target and WalMart plus grocery store and the entire mall. How about adding Burlington Coat Factory to the list of places to want to be banned from.

[Jamie Lynn]

Lol..you boys need to suck it up..if we women need to go with you guys to the auto stores, car shows and whatever other hell you can think up for us...you can totally manage going to the store with us..its really not that bad..I promise.

[Punisher]

[oderdene]

[bluedragon436]

I love wondering around most stores... as long as there are items I might have interest in, such as Wal-Mart, Target, etc... but I did get banned from Toys R Us when I was in Tech School down in Sheppard AFB, TX.. was pretty funny... apparently they frowned on me moving stuff from one shelf to another... and riding the bikes around the store, turning stuff in the parking lot into jumps, and riding the bikes back into the store... there was like five of us that got banned that day... was awesome!!

[Mud Slut]

LMAO

[XJ408]

Could stop laugh after
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

[CT99XJ]

The last one was the best, by far. ::

[BrianXJ]

Thats good stuff